If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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