The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Randomize
