Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
