Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
