i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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