so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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