best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
