he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
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