my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
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