Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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