So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
