I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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