are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
