you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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