Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Randomize