why didn't you poke me back
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
