i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
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