I murdered the dance floor call the cops
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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