FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize