I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
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