im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
