Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
