I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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