i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
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