i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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