If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
Randomize
