Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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