At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
