Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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