Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
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