Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
I’m done with him. I’m going to the beach to catch a fresh dick
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