There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
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