Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Pants are for mortals
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
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