So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Randomize
