I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
