I'm so fucking centered right now
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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