Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
