You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
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