mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
i now understand why vodka
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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