She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
When are your genitals available?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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