the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
