Heybabeimwearingurpanties
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
Randomize
