there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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