It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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