i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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