That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
