That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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