are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
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