Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
