I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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