I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
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