In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
