I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
Randomize
