We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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