You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
