How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize
