and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
