If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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