Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
my shit smells like andre
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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