Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
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