pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
I party with great urgency now.
Randomize
