I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
Randomize