i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
