I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
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