Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Dude he was freaking out because he thought he was walking on crates, and he just kept saying help me
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
