you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
i think i have two assholes
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
